Help on a Forgiveness Example

Help on a Forgiveness Example

May 25, 2007, 3:35 pm
Filed under: Forgiveness

I need your help on a forgiveness example.  Read the following and answer one simple question.  What should Bev do in the short run? 

Bev and Sue had been close, close friends for years.  They lived two blocks apart and for the last 20 years attended the same church.  They co-led their Mom’s Bible study together for four years in a row.  Their husbands were fishing pals; their daughters were born just a few days apart.  They talked on the phone several times a week.

Recently, however, their friendship was broken.  Looking back on it all, Bev would say that the rift was building up for years.  Things boiled over when Bev learned that Sue had been talking about her to other women in the church.  In Bev’s mind, Sue had always been a bit of a talker, but she now learned that Sue was sharing things about Bev’s life she shared in confidence.  Not only that, but Sue was not being completely accurate.

It hurt.  It really hurt.

After many tears, and prayer, Bev approached Sue about it.  She hated to do it.  But, she felt that it was necessary to confront Sue about her gossip.  Bev had little doubt in her mind that Sue would own her mistakes.

Bev could not have been more wrong.  When they sat down to talk about it over coffee, Sue blew up.  With a red face and raised voice, she told Bev that she stood by the things she said and that a number of other people agreed with her.  When Bev asked who, Sue refused to tell her.  When Bev suggested that Sue should have talked to her directly, Sue said that it was not worth it.

Bev was so upset.  After a couple of sleepless nights she and her husband met with an elder in the church.  In Matthew 18:15-17 Jesus said that we should first confront those who sin against us privately.  If the person will not listen, we should take one or two others along the next time.  Bev asked the elder to go with her to talk to Sue.  The elder listened patiently to Bev’s concerns.  He asked Bev for permission to pray about it.  A few days later he called back and suggested that Bev simply drop the matter.  He told her, “love covers over a multitude of sins” and that in this case he believed Bev not take it to the next step (1 Peter 4:8).  The elder from her church pointed out that a number of young Christians in the church would be hurt if this disagreement went further.

Bev and her husband discussed the matter and decided not to press it further.  But, the betrayal by Sue was still awkward and the wound was deep.  Bev and Sue did their best to avoid seeing one another.  They barely spoke when they were forced to have contact.

Then tragedy struck.  The pastor’s wife of the church called Bev to tell her that Sue’s only daughter, Rachel, was killed in a car accident.  When she got the news, Bev’s knees literally buckled.  She sat down in a chair and sobbed.  She loved this young lady.  She could remember holding her in the hospital.  She had rocked her and watched her grow up.  Bev could not imagine how Sue would deal with this.  And, she wondered what she should do, given all that happened and the tragedy in Bev’s life.

So, here is the question.  In the short term, how should Bev relate to Sue during her tragedy?  Should Bev:

(a)  Go to Sue’s home at once and hug her.

(b) Send a card so that she shows concern but at the same time gives Sue space.

(c)  Keep her distance and not communicate at all.

(d) Other?

What do you think?  Post a comment or send me an e-mail either one: chris@theredbrickchurch.org

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