Chris vs. the Skunk - Alternative #1 Operation Dirty Dozen

What would appear to be a large bull* skunk has set up residence in my front ditch.  It moved into a cavern which I suspect was created by a little driving maneuver done by a party to remain unnamed (initials D.H.) a winter ago when he thought our driveway was on the other side of the mailbox.

WARNING: If you see a skunk as something more than a furry rat equipped equipped with chemical weapons, than stop reading.  You probably won’t like what I am planning.

To defend myself going in, the skunks in our neighborhood have already proven to be particularly aggressive.  Dixie, our neighbor’s sheltie, is one of the nicest dogs on earth.  And, a vicious skunk sprayed it last year.  I have no doubt, this skunk is kin to the one that assaulted Dixie.

So, the skunk has to go, and given that it is equipped with advance weapons systems, I don’t see peaceable negotiations as a possibility.

This being the case, I am officially at war with the skunk. 

I will be weighing options in the days to come.  My first plan of attack is adapted from the movie the Dirty Dozen.  So far as I can tell, the skunk does not have an emergency exit from his abode.  So, my thinking is, if I :

(1) Block the opening with a large boulder during the daylight hours, the skunk will be sealed inside.  (Skunks are nocturnal, so I figure it will be indoors at high noon).

(2) Drill a ventilation shaft.  This shaft will need to be large enough to do step three, but small enough that if the skunk chooses to use the nuclear option, I will be able to quickly plug the hole leaving him to inhale his own chemical warfare.

(3) We’ll call this the Lee Marvin step.  I will then pour a gallon or so of combustible fluid ($4 worth of gasoline) down the hole.

(4) Now enter Jim Brown.  I will then drop the equivalent of a grenade (a lit match) down the ventilation shaft and run hoping that the Nazi skunks don’t get me while I make for the jeep.

I think this is a good option.  But, it does have some flaws.  It didn’t work out so well for Jim Brown in the movie.  And, I fear that if the hole is not properly sealed, then the skunk will be able to inflict his carnage even if he does go out in flames.

Further, it may not be that humane. 

I am open to other suggestions.

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*I’m not sure if a male skunk is called a “bull” skunk.  But, this one is big enough to deserve the title.

When You’re Neither Handy Nor Handsome . . .

When, like me, you’re neither handy nor handsome, then you must resort to getting fix-it tips off the Internet.  Right now, I have this exact problem at my house and I’m considering using this approach to fixing it.

In short: you can fix a stripped screw hole with a golf tee.  Read the details here.

If you are someone who is both handy and handsome (say Dan Houston), and you don’t think this is a good approach, then please tell me soon, before I actually try it.

Now, I’m serious about trying the golf tee thing.  But, while we’re on the subject of being both handy and handsome (again picture Houston), let’s have a do-it-yourself lesson from Red Green.

 

Studying Deuteronomy / You Must Watch

I am intensely studying Deuteronomy at a retreat with other doctoral graduates at Lake Geneva, WI.  We are privileged to have both Haddon Robinson, President of Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, and Dan Block of Wheaton leading our time together.

To give our overloaded minds a rest, while on break, we pastors entertained ourselves watching this video.

 

Your Sin Will Find You Out

Read this NY Times article (Click here) about how a Mac camera was used to catch some incompetent thieves.

The late Don Knotts would have been a good choice to play these guys in a movie.

The worst part is that now the Mac-ites will use this to argue their case.

HT: Josh Harris

If You’ve Ever Lost Your Cell Phone

It would be extremely bad form to use this to get a call in church.  But, it could be helpful if you lose your phone.  (Click here).

The trouble is, I sometimes lose my phone when it is off.

 

Why People Hate Ohio State

Pastor Brian McLaughlin outlines potential reasons for why people despise Ohio State in football. . . I did add some potential other reasons in the comment section.

It’s Snowing on my Blog

We arrived back to 5″ of snow in Northern Illinois.  . . so I was excited to learn (ht: Green Bagginses, sp?) that I could add a special effect to make it snow on my blog. 

Please look at it if you are using a reader because WordPress is only making this available until January 2nd and it’s about as techie as I get.